What´s a Transgenerational
Often we become merchants, lawyers, doctors, military or bakers following a family tradition from father to son, because there is what is called an “Invisible Family Loyalty”.
We are heirs unaware of all our ancestors, and the things that they have lived and felt, and that those things frequently affect our own experiences.
This legacy continues generation after generation, and we are still paying the debts of the past, while no one becomes aware of them.And becoming aware of what is happening, we can finish with this invisible loyalty, which leads us to repeat the experiences of our ancestors.
This indicates that we are less free than we think, but we can regain our freedom, just paying attention to what happens to us.
“Itis the third time that I am immersed in the same problem.
When I got married for the first time, I quickly ended up divorcing because I couldn’t stand my husband. By that time we already had two children and I had to make a great effort of will to gather the strength to go away, but he made my life miserable; he never fixed anything on our home, and was only interested in meeting with his friends.
Actually I can´t understand how could I be so wrong.
As soon as I got divorced I found Jose who was presented to me by my friends. Instantly I felt very well with him because he was extremely tender until he dared to declare himself.
I gave myself completely to him and everything went well while we were just a couple, so we decided to get married and everything restarted.
Almost immediately he began to do not stand my children, until I finally ended up divorcing him (this time was easier than the previous)
And I stood alone for more than five years until I met Angelo.
After some time of living together, our sexual relationships became more and more distant; this gives me a strong desire to give up again”
When we fail to discover the transgenerational origins of our relationship issues, it is impossible to solve them by changing partner, because what have spoiled the first relationship will ruin the following.
100 Years ago, the grandmother discovered in the small forest close to her home that two of her three children had been devoured by wolves, and their bodies were scattered on the ground completely wrecked.
In the next generation the surviving son took up the profession of butcher, and did his work so carefully, that he couldn’t see that a piece of meat had been badly cut.
The eldest son of the butcher decided to become a men´s tailor becoming a specialist in the manufacture of custom-made clothing
In the next generation one of the descendants became surgeon, specializing himself in plastic and reconstructive surgery, becoming a true expert in the healing of the injured
The sister of this son became owner of a business specializing in the sale of hides and skins.
And the most interesting part of this case is that all of them working in different professions never achieved economic independence, because their works proved to be only symbolic attempts to repair the death of the two children of the forest.
A transgenerational analysis or study, is not only useful to find out how our family tree is (you really don’t need any specialist help for doing this). The true value of a study of this type, is to unlock the locks produced by unconscious inheritances that unwittingly affect our health, our relationships, our work success, the life of our children, and our chances of being happy in a relationship
With my best wishes
Dr. Roberto A. Bonomi